Alone again

April 22, 2006

This week has also been quite lonely. I think watching Anime and Manga really does have a bad effect on my psychology. I suppose I'm just not happy with real life, anime life just seems so much more interesting. I suppose this is the same kind of envy one would get for a movie star or celeberties. People like myself living very normal lives that are hundreds of steps again from the fantasied life styles of the rich and famous.

Really makes me reevaluate my current position in the world, well just makes me think a lot. I really think too much sometimes. I wonder what life would have been like if I had "woken" up during the time I was in movies. Maybe life would have bee completely different.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror now-a-days. I suppose it's better than not looking at all like I did in college. In college I kinda didn't care what I looked like anymore, kind of overly depressed at myself, no confidence, no self-love, and really didn't care at all what happened. I grew fat but didn't notice, I grew dirty and didin't care, and I grew bad habits which I engrossed myself into. Now I'm finally starting to look at the mirror again. Noticing all my imperfections and small issues on my outer shell. I've noticed my lips are slightly crooked. One of my eyebrows are a little lower than the other. I have two rings under my eyes. One cheek is a little stiffer and buffier than ther other. One of my ears are slightly closer to my head than the other one. My old dented ear. All of these things are small issues, but I guess i'm just kinda nit-picking at myself.

On the flip side, I'm slowly fixing whatever I can. Although my face probably won't be able to get fixed easily I guess I can start looking at the mirror again and learning how to smile.


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