Coming to terms

May 21, 2006

Went out singing on Friday with some of my floor sisters from back at Berkeley: specifically Liz, and Maggie. They brought a friend too. I was pimpin' (not really).

Was pretty fun or interesting, I really can't sing for crap soloing. Very difficult. I guess I just pretty much don't have that ear for music (my brain neurons were not trained and networked correctly to be able to handle musical appetitude).

Also went out to see The Da Dinci Code, pretty good movie. I heard form my buds that a lot of people gave it bad reviews. I'm guessing people hyped it up and the majority of people were expecting a lot out of it. Clement has mentioned it was very "CliffNotesy". After he had said it, it did feel that way. A lot of things happened really fast, of course the book is always better than the movie. No so much an emperical rule between movies and books, but more over the fact that it started as a book, then became a movie. A book also has more time to develop a plot and more character background, but anyone can make a 2-3 part movie and also develop it very thoroughly.

So another thing that kinda sets up in my mind over the past few days is also just the fact that I'm not much of a ladies man. In fact, I feel like I've lost all my social abilities. Work's really getting to me.

Talked to a few friends, seems like one of my old highschool buddies is also starting to put in over time alot and also plays the game of life on a similar pace as myself. I wouldn't really say it's "conforting" to know that someone else is suffering from working, low-pay, not enjoying their job, but for the most part at least the two of us are not alone.

I'm such a super depressive now, I think I need to see a shrink and maybe get some medication or something to change my body complex and function. Just seems like I come to terms with myself not being capable at a lot of fields in life.

I still feel bad for what I've done in the past too, it's like a heavy striking effect that gongs on me everytime I go out.

A little too much fear in my mind I guess.

I think it's gone to a point that my parents are stressing over it now too. It's actually kind of cute. My mom and dad would go about their day, and at the bank (they told me this story later) my mom saw a really cute girl that she's known before from KTV hosting. My mother said to my dad, "Hey I know her, she's ____. She's pretty cute lets fetch her for James". Then my dad would say, "No no, he's not good for him. She's the type that wants brand names and is very needy". I can only imagine how strange it might be for people that heard it nearby and I get a quick smile out of it in my day. Poor girl at the bank was probably thinking, "What's that old couple mubbling about over there? Why are they staring at me? Must keep up customer service! Smile, smile."

My family went to see our prophet again, she said that I won't be able to do much on my own until 3 years later. It use to be 2 years, but now it's three. I must have changed my thread of fate in the past few months. She was pretty straight on the notes, pretty much layout my entire working personality. She also said that I won't have a change at relationships for another 3 years as well, it'll be around that time that my match may appear. Three years is a pretty long wait. She's very accurate for my family, it's pretty weird, but also interesting!

So yeah, can't quit (or probably won't find a way to quit) for the next 3 years. It is paying me pretty well, but it's still a bit lame how my company works. It's amazing how all this corperate society comes together into a working unit. I'll probably go over that a little more later on.

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