One weekend of cutting lose, before a 2-3 month visit to Hell…

May 29, 2006

So this weekend has been great, I hate to see it end so soon.

Actually met someone interesting. I regret not getting a chance to talk to her as much as I had wanted too, but I suppose I have no reasons to rush into things (I've learned this lession over and over again. Well, lets just say it's a short window of effective lessions). I actually learned quite a lot about her in a short amount of time, which is very interesting to me. It was as if a lot of things just "clicked" or made sense from the way she answered or posed a question. Well, could be the case that I'm just imagining things and I'm seeing what I want to see. But! Even if that is the case, it's a nice feeling. ^^;;

Currently, I feel a little up in the clouds. It's a little difficult to explain. I'm happy for two things: one that she exists, and two that someone like her exists. Ever since my last relationship four years ago I've been pushing aside the "find a match" or "find the one" theme of life; Right after that relationship, I had given up the entire idea that I'd ever meet someone that fits. The way I live my life, the way I am, the curse I carry, the way my world revolves; it just felt like it wasn't meant to be, but now I feel a little more hopeful.

I still remember my old relationships. I really drag this dead limb around a little too much. Always remembering back then where I tried and failed, over and over. On each relationship it was always the same theme: She would cheat with me (I would find out later), or on me (which I also find out later) (well not all of them, but I can say about 87.5% this was the case. What fraction does this equal to? :D).

Hmm… actually she will be able to read this ^^;;; Ah wells, It's the truth and I'm not afraid to admit it, anyhow it's much more a compliment (I hope). Although, I suppose it might be a little freaky and scary. I can understand that. I hope this isn't taken the wrong way T.T 

Well I suppose I better justify myself for why I'm not afraid to be forth coming about this before people think I'm just weird.

Been through so much drama and so many mind games that it all feels a little tacky now. It's like something you do when your bored or have nothing better to do with life. There's so much more to this world one can put their energy towards, say conquer the world or brainwashing the company to use salutes (muahahahhahahahahahaha). Of course having an emotional response is important, but working it out correctly and concisely is important. I also blame a very specific ex; we fought so much I'm all out of "umph" now. Which is actually a good thing, kind of get it all out of the system and grow up a little more quickly (I would say mature, but I reserve that for another meaning). Don't get me wrong, I'm totally not bagging on her. We actually agree on this and still talk sometimes. We have a history, we're not meant to be, and we are better people for it. ^^ She's actually leaving the US soon to purse her career and dreams. I look up to that and respect that greatly. It's something very difficult to do, especially for someone that will be leaving her family in here.

Fate has a funny way of twisting my plans. The girl I met won't be around for very long, nor will I have much time to devote to getting to know her. Oh wellz, but it's a nice day dream non-the-less. Sad though, since it's really rare to find a pretty girl with their head on straight. Good family background, good family values, morals, fun, level-headed, and surely successful (I actually have a pretty good 6th sense for detecting one's success-abilities, once I talk to them for a while). Anyhow, fate's always been very funny to me. I suppose that's just how it is.

Also went to see X-men, that was great. I still really enjoyed it even thought it was totally off the original story-line. Okay, after a few days of thinking about it… *spoilers: skip to next paragraph* Maybe I just like the way they played out Exaviar's death. It was done very well and a very heavy twist which I was totally not ready for. Sadly they had to make so many modifications to push it through correctly to make sense. They also kind of messed up a lot of little things, but they still kept it all open ended. Magneto probably gets his abilities back, Cyclops is not really dead, Rogue gets to have sex with her boyfriend, then gets her powers back. Wolverine is still a smart-ass.

Originally was going to go clubbing the next night, but turned out that one of my old Berkeley friend's girlfriend got mad at him for some silly reason. So she ditched him and then he didn't feel like going clubbing anymore. I think it was a good move, she would have just gotten more angry. So we decided to just drink at my house. Was pretty cool, but they were all tired so they just drank a little and left soon after.

It's getting a lot harder for me to "lose focus" while drinking now. It use to be pretty nice. I could get myself to a state that was slightly fuzzy (but not completely) where I can be a reasonable and relaxed without worrying too much about work. I guess drinking to avoid work is really a bad thing to do, I would much rather channel my energies else where, but it's a little difficult. Prehaps I just strive too hard. My "never give-up, anything is possible" mentality is actually a bad thing in this case. They don't pay me enough.

Sunday went and had Lunch with a friend in Rowland, then actually went to visit another friend that was working in the area. I was surprized at myself; I haven't done something so random and normal in a long time. It felt weird, a little like highschool times again when you just go see what a few friends are doing to go see a friend while they work and bug them to just waste time. I sat around, did nothing, relaxed, ate lunch, ate dinner, gathered some more friends, then went home. Was a pretty good day, very clean, very normal, very interesting relaxation. I really wish life were this innocent and that every day was so easy going withing nothing to do but visit friends and relax a bit. I work at a high-security company, my friends couldn't surprize-visit me even if they tried. Well, I guess a gf or wife would be allowed to visit, but probably not just random friends or many friends. That would be nice though, but fat chance to have random people wondering around an office cubical filled floor to just visit a friend.

Later on that Sunday (tonight), I got called up by some friends to go singing. Sometimes I'm really happy that my family runs a KTV. It's nice because I can chill with friends and do some drinking and let them have fun to their heart's content. Oddly, my core friends from highschool which I hold the most dear aren't much of a singing group than that of some of my other groups (I only have 3 groups atm). So we chilled and sang and just did whatever. They bought an old highschool friend. She was pretty cute, very nice legs too, but she really wasn't my type. One friend hinted that she was available and that I should try talking to her. But somehow I just don't find  Korean women specifically "hot". They are interesting, yes, but definitly not the right "fit" for me. Reminds me of this other Korean girl from Berkeley I was pretty close with (that's a totally different story too). Well was fun non-the-less, I got to relax a little bit. I'm really avoiding work, which is so bad…

I'm going to have a break down on Tuesday. I've procrastinated so much this weekend. Well I'm definitly not suppose to be working. The VP of development told us to relax a little, we have a really long two months ahead of us for this project. It's really nice to be technical lead and all, but really I wish they had made the decision a little sooner. I was totally unprepared and I had to spend 80+ hours for three whole weeks to just a really good firm grip on the project overhead. Some people on the project have been working with it for over a year, which is really some easy going clearning curve for how the whole project works. I had to cram all of that in three weeks while concurrently sorting and organizing tasks to try and push development along even though I knew nothing about the project. Luckily it worked out pretty well, but there is still so much to do. Blah, I'll think about it on Tuesday.

Tomorrow is Lunch and Movie! Over the hedge should be pretty interesting. I'm really looking forward to a good laugh ^^ I could use some more humor in my life.

Wells, looks like in the long run my weekend was pretty good. Although, I would much rather have traded it for something else on my mind. I suppose I shouldn't complain or I have no right to complain. I'm just dreading the next few months that are coming up. Undoubtly I will be spending 80+ for the next two months just organizing all the tasks that were not done correctly over the entire past year. Why am I always the "clean-up" crew for this company? I swear I'm moving to another company after I get this RCMP project Technical Lead under my belt. I hope I can pull through, I really wish they didn't put me on so many dying projects. True I've saved EVERY project in some way or another from failure or have made EVERY project a little smoother than what it would have been, but it's no reason to keep making me do the "clean-up". Just put me on the project initially, I'll make sure the whole thing is smooth from beginning to end. Don't shove me in there half way and make me force it to success… I will die young at this rate! /sob I wanna go wife hunting instead… Work stinks.


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