Ugly Men and Ugly Women… and the rest of us in-between.

February 3, 2007

So this morning (after a long stand-up comedy binge of about 6 hours the day before) a thought suddenly hit me…  (which, in itself, is a pretty odd and random thought… but let’s entertain the idea).So… if life sucks… and you’re ugly… and male… (you’ve got the worst looks/gender combination)… and you have never gotten laid… you’ve tried and tired… and your now old and grey… your chances of having an intimate moment with a young, hot, heart-racing, fox is about … the probability of near zero as you approach the limit.

So… let’s take three notions into the debate and evaluation:

1.) You don’t want to catch anything: HIV, AIDS, etc…

This rules out your local intersection prostitute-for-hire. Chances are she’s got something that’ll bring you a lotta sobs and creams for the next duration of your life.

Let’s consider the social status que, “ugly men get in a lot of study and schooling”.

So ugly men are smart and well schooled; when weighing in this consideration they can quickly (dependent of their “next duration” and their “since when”) would rule out this possibility.

2.) You don’t want to do anything illegal!

Some how risking one night with a young lady only to find yourself taking it in the rear for the next 6 months in jail isn’t a pleasing thought.

“What if you fly to Holland or Thailand or Cambodia?” Yes… that is a possibility. But… from cost to gain expectancy, that’s an expensive business transaction. Not to mention the human urge and need for intimacy is never a “once a year, one time deal”. Thus when the urge arrives and they happen to live in a country like America, it would take an estimated 1800 USD, 14 hours one way, a taxi, a “fee”, the time for service, a taxi back, and 14 hours returning to America. (It must have been the airliners lobbying in these countries for legal weed and sex.) But by the time your 6 hours into the flight back, that second, after-shock, urge may have started taking affect.

Not financially and economically pleasing.

The idea of legality has quite a few bearings and punishments in our society. It must have been ugly women that outlawed prostitution; it was a sneaky maneuver, but they were successful. This is because there’s another name that prostitution goes by, which has always been under the radar and undetected by untrained eyes. Specifically it’s a longer-extended contract and the ugly women’s union laws have inflate the price for sex to included: a lower quality of service, random gifts, yearly gifts, a car, a house, possibly a crying baby, emotional taxation, and the premium package, with contractual automatic self-renewal, includes a marriage certificate (with a large red stamp of approval from the state).

3.) Must survive! “Life… always finds a way” (Jurrasic Park)

Given the business contractual agreement required under “the ugly women’s monopoly”, it is sometimes too much. Men had to find an alternative to securing sex. Thus the porn industry was born (brilliant)!

Pornography is an economical choice for men that wish to evade marriage taxation. The contracts are shorter, higher quality of service, there are less catches n’ loops, which also includes a healthy business relationship between client and server when finished. Prostitution now has another name!

Research by supports this theory ( as they note:

 “There are millions of personal sites and fan sites whose publishers have no intention of ever profiting.”

The ugly, franchised, man has prevailed! Even now, hundreds of middle-aged and older men are sleeping with hot young ladies all over the world under the new business model named “pornography”.

Granted that the costs are still higher than your local intersection, but from the trade-off of quality of service and flexibility of contract… this business transaction is for-the-win.

Moral of Society? If you’re an ugly male that can’t get laid, use some business sense in your life. Join the adult entertainment industry with the “millions of personal sites and fan sites” publishers! —–

The above thought now feels too random. LOL. Oh wells, maybe someone in the world will read my blog and take fist to palm, “by gawd! he’s right!” Then he’ll open his own pornography company and end-up hiring only ugly chicks…


Oh wells. 


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