Archive for the 'Mobile Philosophy' Category

Finally back to Blogging!

April 17, 2007

My life has finally calmed back down and I find myself capable of blogging again. Many things have happened since I mysteriously disappeared back on Feburary 12th, 2007. I’ve been pushed through many challenage, I’ve experianced some amazing things, and I’ve learned so much about myself, which includes good and bad.

Here’s a quick summary of activities/achievements:

  • Traveled to Canada to finish the project (Again…)
  • Took very good care of my team there (I’m proud of this)
  • Went Speed karting at about 40.3 mph! (Edward beat me on the last stretch!)
  • Saw the most beautiful ice sculptures! (burr cold)
  • Experianced -30 degrees C with wind chill (nearly lost an ear)
  • Learned technical information on today’s cutting edge technology!
  • Truly broke through the first few barrier of self realization.
  • Played a part in the Canada national fingerprint system go-live!
  • Had an enlightening Chinese New Year with my older peers
  • Ice Skated straight for over 12 kms (not very many places that can do that)
  • Had a lot of Korean Tofu Soup
  • Started heavy design and implementation on my personal project
  • Found out I had scoliosis
  • Learned the word “Idiopath”, because I am one
  • Researched about medical science in regards to the spinal column
  • Went to and saw a cryropractor
  • Went to see my dentist
  • Started changing my posture the correct way!
  • Expensed over 9000 dollars, still another 3000 or so to expense! (food)
  • Start diggind through my old music cd’s, listen to them one by one
  • Finally took a vacation (2 weeks, 6 days left from today to relax)
  • Moved back into my old house, finally settled down and enjoying a less luxurious life
  • Sold my old house, made $160,000!
  • Took a loan for $300,000!
  • Getting a tax return of over $9,000!
  • Bank reads (but mostly from the loan) $470,550.37   :3
  • Planned my trip to Anime-Expo (June)
  • Got rear-ended the second day I got back to LA
  • Took a Rental Car for over 2 months! (yikes that was expensive!)
  • Bought my lil brother a new laptop! (he loves it)
  • Played and finished Final Fantasy XII
  • Played and finished Command and Conquer 3 (with trainer help :X)
  • Got to drive around LA like a mad man again (speed is fun ;D)
  • Lost some weight
  • Learned how to use my medical plans for once, various details on how to and what to do.
  • Played a paper based version of my video project with my partner (we really nailed down a lot of ideas thanks for this!)
  • Completely and utterly took a vacation and completely did not care about work! This is truly an accomplishment =)
  • Saw some old friends, of what rare chance I get. They play ball together still, but I’m spending this time healing (back/teeth/doctors).
  • Plan to visit my old buddies more often ^__^
  • Tooke some amazing pictures! (My favorate below)

So now life is back to somewhat normal patterns. I hope this continues. But yet the future seems much brighter from here. After taking on such a large inscalable mountian, other things in life seems so much easier in comparason.

I’ve learned a lot in these part 3 months…

Kudos!

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Canadian Parliament … Raving….

February 9, 2007


Dunnnn……


Dunn DUNN!


da da da da


da da da da


da da da da


DA…..

Movie Evaluation: Fearless…. Personal Evaluation: Me

January 12, 2007

To capture a moment in my life and the current throughts in my mind, I felt empowered to write something down.

I have just completed Fearless (Jet Li). It has been very touching and is in many ways touching the very core of my soul. Touching to the point it brings me to tears during the writing of this blog sentence! I, at the moment, do not truly understanding the reason for it, but I suppose I can relate to it greatly or feel alot of emotional power behind the verious annotes within the story itself. In many ways I can relate to the main character, but yet, of course, my life is not as complicated and not as painful. I am jealous of the character’s ending, but definitly I do not wish for the same history that empowered him to drive himself into who he finally became at his passing. I hope that my life and my ways, in the end, can amount to be a portion of the honor and respect of Huo YianJia. I hope that my life will ripple through the hearts of people that I touch in future and that I will live a well and full life. This is my wish and my goal.

There are five moments in the story which had an great emotional affect on me.  (Spoilers beyond this point)
1.) When he was focused on nothing but Wushu
2.) When he lost his loved ones: his mother, his young daughter
3.) When he was lost in depression
4.) When he reclaimed and realized himself
5.) When he fought till the end for what he believed for

1.) Over focus, driving right down into the abyss of himself…

This is a moment which really touched my soul, in many ways I only recently realized how much involved I was with my work. I had prioritized my achievements and my success above all else and never considered myself at fault. I drove myself to the edge, took up work beyond what was healthy, and wasted my life thinking about nothing but work and my “success”. It was a faulted path which I took and never thought twice about at the time. Slowly driving down this path, I away lied to myself…. “education is important” “work is important” “impressing my family is important” “maintaining my level of success is important” “pushing forward to the top is important!!!” Everything I told myself was the same meaning that I repeated in different ways, reverbed with different vocabulary, and tied in relation to other things which sounded “right”. Sure, education IS important, but so is happiness! Work is a part of life, but so is relaxing! Impressing is great, but you also need to think of yourself. Success if important, but I have another fifty years under my belt to perform it slowly. Keeping a forward direction is important, but that does not mean I should avoid the occasional side trip and vacation. I was in a hurry in a rush… I played out my life like how I played my video games! It was the wrong way to live… The movie really depicted this aspect of his life very well and jumped right on into the friends and family around him that really saw into it… In many ways, I was a hundred percent similar… My friends also told me about this, they were conserned. Of course I would tell them, about how I am working towards a brighter future. I would repeat my own lecture to them and brainwash myself again in the process. Reassert my ways of life and be over-confident on the direction I had choosen. Slowly I never casted some side unintentionally and did not fully cheerish their friendship enough since I did not consider their warnings.

2.) The pain of force in losing someone or feeling that you may never see someone again…

This is a deep rooted fear of mine which I believe started when I was four. At that time I was very young and of course relied on my parents for support and life in general. They were the ones that kept me safe and the ones that provided a warm bed at night. Of course none of this is a direct memory, but I can only imagine myself as a four year old as someone very dependant. At the age of four, my family was having some troubles with money. I was sent back with my father’s best friend to Taiwan to live with my grandfather and ultimately rotate amoungst my father and mother’s family and friends for a short while. Even though I do not completely remember the event… deeply rooted in my memory is a picture of my mother and father waving to me from an airport gate through the windows and across an open space and through what I imagine to be an airplane portal. My mother was holding tightly on to my father and in a crying position, of course I remember no sounds and nothing else, but for that age I probably didn’t even think anything of it. Out of that trip to taiwan I do not remember anything but a goldfish bowl, my grandfather’s teeth biting my hand when I was disobedient, and a thought of sidewalks. I don’t even know how long I was away for but I do know I missed my parents.

I believe ever since it has been an emotional feeling that I can not shake free… On every funeral or graveyard from every TV show, every movie, or even an new paper article drives fear into me that I will someday have to face a similar moment in my life in the future. Perhaps I am preparing myself. Perhaps I am trying to deal with the thought of losing them. Each time I think about the possibility, what I might feel, how I might react, it just drives me to tears just even typing this out…. From an external perspective, (an I’m part smiling and laughing at myself while typing this) I definitly would consider myself a bit unstable. The reason I cry is at the thought of losing my parents. The reason I am smiling is the fact that I know I love them. The reason I am laughing is because I think to my self that I am silly because my parents are very alive (I’m just being very emotionally controlled by the psychological make up of how my mind and thinking has been put together….. So after a deep breath, I regain myself a bit.

I am one to try and put myself in other people’s shoes and try to feel how they would feel in a curtian situation. I put myself in that position and ask myself: “How would I feel?” It’s a very difficult thing to do and try and many times, I’m just flat out wrong in my evaluation, but at least I have it thought and can talk about how I would feel.

I hope that I do not become confronted which this moment in my life for years and years to come. I truly believe it is something I am not ready to deal with at this stage in my life and I may go nuts. (Some what bargining here, like… “don’t take them away from me… or I’ll go nuts.”) But, I suppose if it did come, I would have to raise to this fear and confront it face first.

I love my parents.

3.) Lost, confused, not sure what to do…

In my multiple attempts to regain my own sanity while I was lost it felt just like that. I could just find myself lost and confused… I let myself get that way… I suppose you can say that, I let it out. But then again I also definitly know I am incapacitated during these outages.

In the story, YianJia finds himself lost in a village somewhere and starts a second life. Forgetting his own and becoming an identity which is not tied to his past. I think for me… This was work… I lost myself in it. I dug myself a nice little grave and just stepped my way in and took a nap. This level of depression is dangerous, yet it is also a time of reflection when the rest of my world just stops.

I relate to this best with the way my love life and history has been. I use to want to just give up. I had enough with it, gave myself a mental note that I would not try again and kept it like that. On the out side I told everyone I was on a 8 year trek, but deep down I sometimes told myself I would keep it up and just die lonely. Now that it’s been so many years and that I have beat myself with it so many times it’s as if I had died from the beatings and have completely forgotten some of the pain that has been associated with it.

In truth now…… I think I’m confused again and girls/women are so foreign again. Sadly, for me, I’m a shy person. Which means I feel a little bit like a middle school kid that is too shy to look at people. Oh wells, I suppose I just need some more confidence.

4.) The realization of error and resolution for an answer!

My current mindset is much more open. I see myself now in the mirror and I am beginning to like what I see. I like what I have become and I am still learning to become more like myself… the true “me” I really want to be come. I am slowly taking up the “true hobbies” I have always had. My true hobby is very general but I believe it is affective… Ever since I was young I have always questions how things work! I am told that once, while I was young, I tried to take apart a VCR since I thought it was interesting. My father walked in and just saw me, young, 6-9 years, dismantling  every screw I could find on the machine.

I vow to take an active learning path now in life. It have always strived to be a jack of all trades (a smart ass too!). I want to be knowledgable, well thought out, and able to solve my problems as well as the problems of my loved ones.

I also vow to start living my life healthy. This does not mean fitness healthy, but healthy as in balanced. I do what I want, yet get my work down on time, I straighten out my priorities, keep an open mind on everything, evaluate my surroundings, and also evaluate my own actions.

One note to that above is that today I was a bit harsh to of my my co-workers during an explaination of the business legalities involved with the current project. It was not terrable, but I caught myself a few times during the process trying to state my own opinions with a little too much “umph”. Opinions if well structured do not need “umph” they need only logic and a good way of explaining them in a civilized, none implied manner.

5.) End Game…

This is what I hope for: I want to leave a lasting ripple in the lives of the people around me. The moment I die, I want people to cry their hearts out and wish I had an additional life to come back and play with them. At the moment, my hope will not happen except through the lives of the family members around me… This is something that is built by time, fortidied by refinement, and executed in a mannor that is slow and painless. I suppose the crying their heart outs part is not required, but I do hope that I am missed and that I will be remembered. At the moment, my social life is a sorry mess. It’s something I’m working on ^___^;;;

All in all…. I think this movie was very touching and It really found it’s way into my deep rooted existance and caused me to reflect on my life and how my life is connected. I hope that my lessons and thoughts learned will continue with me. I hope that I keep an open mind and continue my learning tasks 😀

There is now so much I want to do! I’ll just have to get my lazy ass out of this chair first though. hahaha.

I really enjoyed the movie =)

Wifi at LAX! (Individuality and Identity!!!)

January 8, 2007

Found: nwaworldclubs
unsecure wireless access point.

It always amazes me the number of unsecure access points in the world. You can pretty much drive around the neighborhood and pick-up multiple houses. It was be pretty easy for a hacker to run around a small city compremising small networks.  An as any battle, the ability to confuse is a very vital ability. Any one could take over unknowing individual’s house and launch some internet drivin attacks through that location as a starting point. One thing I’ve always thought about in the hacking realm was about how to initiate an attack when each attack is tracked at the TCP/IP connection level through each ISP, information is logged by the Terabyte and it’s very difficult to remove that data once it has been established. It’s actually quite similar to fingerprints. When your person performs an action, you leave a residue of your person. Your presense in that location and the relative local of your print gives a notion for your action or origination in that physical location. It works quite similarly in the computer science realm. When your system does anything that information is logged and tracked, the source of that action is tracked, it’s destination exists, every point-to-point communications passage makes their own independent tracking note for that action such that there are duplicated copies of it everywhere. The one thing that you can not run away from is the fact that they can track an attack back to the source physical address of which it was initiated. The one thing that is hard to do now is to ensure that physical computer that initiated the attack is still there in one piece. With today’s technology and reprogrammable hardware, the residue of what is considered a computer’s identity is quite easily changed. This is known as a MAC address. There are also other methods to identify a computer of course, but for the most part the MAC is suppose to be a univerisal identifier for each computer’s network connection card. Due to advancement and ease of deployment, many manufacturers have now made their ethernet card network connections reprogrammable. They need only manufacture one chip and reprogram it to be a different identity. This is also quite similar if a human performs identity theft. The world is quite unsecure.

This now brings into question a few notions of how people are considered persons and how they obtain their identity. If an identity is easily stolen then how can we protect ourselves? One idea that comes to mind is the idea of social replacement. In this society there is a notion of “I am Sam” but what really makes up for who we consider Sam? In most nations they will have some unique identifier, and ID, a pass, a method of instantianting a person’s existance on paper for tracking purposes. “Sam” has a local identity within a nation; he has his friends, his family, his work, his history, and his personality. The person “Sam” in America means absolutely nothing in Russia or in Germany. In those countries, he does not exist. 

Two ideas: local relational identity and identification tracking.

Local relational identity: You are only who you say you are and who others can vouch for them. “I am Sam, because my friend which is Dan says so.” In this case there are two entities, someone named “Sam” and someone named “Dan”. Both of which, take claim that they are their own respective identities. Neither of them are creditiable individually, but together they hold a relational existance to each other. As we start traversing Sam’s “existance” we start to find that his is marred to “Pam” born in some town named “Damn” and has two children “Can” and “Ban”. Now I’m just having fun with names, but one can see how relational existance starts to come into play. There are two directions to existence: parallel and linear. Sam exists because Dan which also exists says he does. Sam and Pam exist because there is a merrage certificate which says they do. Breaking down the two ideas there is the following two ideas: “Someone else is the accredication for said person’s existance” and “An history document is the accrediation for said person’s existance.” Taken in the fact that we humans have no perfect ability to distingish the spoken or implied truth of our fellow humans, then truly the identity of plausable individuals is really only linked to as much local relational identity that is presented and given at the time of evaluation. Taking this into account, with enough local relational identify, one can instantiate them selves as anyone to a point it is plausable. Taking this futher, with enough histortical documentation and relational local vouchers for existance of human interaction and also histortical documentation for those individuals as well, one can create a truly encapulated individual identity that can not be distinglished between real and manifestation.

As in all security measures it is always a matter of raising the bar. Anyone is capable of manifesting a new identity, it is only a matter of how deep rooted that identity has been built. Only those that doubt the existance and validity of an individual would begin to dig into that heap of local relational data. Then only a well versed and well knowledged individual can every dig deep enough to uncover someone that is truly impressive at manifesting themselves as an “individual” using an identity that is not really their own.

A little oddity in the world perhaps, maybe all of us are just spies trying to pass ourselves off as “individuals” we really are not. What instantiates our true existance? What accredidation is there that state we truly are who we say we are? When does an identity which is manifested actually change from a manifestation into truth of reality? Is there even a difference between the two?

James Liu – Computer Scientist 

=P

Always read your parking tickets >.>

December 6, 2006

I was paying my parking tickets today and I almost paid someone else’s ticket! It caught my eye because the infraction ticket wasn’t in my position was it was on my license place for my car rental! Then I looked closely at the date! It’s someone else’s ticket! I was about 3 clicks away from paying for it!

Then after some thought, i wasn’t sure if it wasn’t mine of not! I forgot when i came to canada! It’s been 3 weeks! but it was close! I wasn’t sure! I had to dig out my documents. “Lets see when did I fly in?” “Omg! I almost paid for someone else’s ticket!” It was interesting and a very big sigh of relief =P

Well these 125 bucks in parking tickets really stink. I really think it’s a definite way to make me not want to work anymore, why isn’t this handled by the project manager? Sigh… I have to do everything >.< But I choose not too. =P

9:30am to 3am work day… I’m beat

November 25, 2006

So like it’s been a long day. I’m tired. One thing that I find interesting is that I didn’t burn out yet, or not completely burned out yet. I’m still pretty well mentally aware, but not exactly completely sane. My body is tired, my stomach is confused and thinks it’s hungry, my arms and legs are limb but still functional, my reflexies are down, and I’ll laugh at just about anything at this point.

I suppose it’s a good thing that I can still think somewhat consciencily to some degree, but definitly not at my normal nack and awareness level. I wonder exactly how long i can do before I start losing it and getting completely fuzzy.

Speaking of fuzzy, it reminds me a bit of when I was drinking recently. It’s definitly not as bad at that head cloudy/fuzzy feeling, but very close.

One thing that doesn’t stand well is the fact that when I’m tired I do lose more control over my sub-conscience. I do notice myself thinking things in the background of my main thought stream, and some of them I can not control. Definitly a taste of my fears, my angers, my uneasiness in life. I suppose that somewhat tells me that I’m a man ruled by my fears. I fear lots of things, but some of them are always being lonely and being unwanted. Somehow, not fitting in really gets to my depressive side and my brain makes a lot of unhappy chemicals when the thought occurs.

Anyhow, my mind’s slowly losing control of my thoughts and my brain and chemisty is taking over.

Always thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, history, past, things I regret, thing I wish I did differently. Where’s my sub-conscience optumistic side? =P Anyhow, life’s a roller coaster I guess, my “self” is just there along the ride and at the moment tunnel of this segment is very dark and unwilling.

I’ll have to do something about this 18+ work hours. It’s pretty unhealthy for me mentally as well as physically.

Profile Archive

September 3, 2006

FF-Female Friend

Me: less reason to leave my hotel room
FF: oh
FF: cuz u know the area already
Me: yeah.
Me: I knew it would happen, so i brought my game cube
Me: Sadly after unpacking, i found out the TV didn’t have video-in.
FF: LOL
Me: Now it’s going to sit there for 30 days mocking me
FF: lololo
Me: But it’s been a week now, I out smarted the Hotel TV.
Me: I bought a 300$ convertor to 1394 Firewire
Me: Should get here next week >:3
Me: I’ll plug it into my laptop >:3
FF: wtff
FF: lolol
FF: so u can play gamecube?
Me: /withdrawl
FF: for $300?
Me: /twitch
Me: yeah
FF: lololo
Me: After thinking about the price, it wasn’t such a good idea. But i think I’m more in-love with the fact that I found a work around ^____^
FF: LOLLL
Me: staring at the GC for 7 days was bad LOL, tall tale heart…
FF: LOLol

I don’t think clearly, but it’s okay…

At Mammoth

April 29, 2006

Snowboarding is fun, it's much easier to learn on the learner's slops. That last trip I had going to Tahoe was just stupid compared to this. I'm starting to learn how to carve; I can actually control myself! The fear is kind of gone as well. I think the main thing was that the advanced slopes never gave me a chance to compensate for the changes in the terrian. Here on the green slopes I was able to play around with my center of gravity and my sense of control.

Very happy that I'm able to spend time with my lil brother. It's been great and he's picking up snowboarding also almost as fast as I am. This means we can learn together and get better together, just another element to bond with. I love my brother =) I hope to be a good brother no matter what.

A little unpleased with the arrangements here, I've been kind of feeling like a 3rd wheel. Perhaps it's just myself though. One thing to note is that I'm still feeling very shameful for what I did to someone so long ago. She's a nice girl, she really doesn't deserve to have a jerk like myself in her past. It's just hard to look at her because I'm afraid of myself, I'm a weakling. It still bothers me from time to time, I think back about it and I say to myself "Why did I ever do such a thing?" I really feel like dirt when i think back to it. What I did was quite shameful and always there's a better way to resolve situations. I still hope to be able to apologee for my actions before I leave this world. It's something I want to do, but I'm stupid and never have enough courage.

Something's missing today. Not sure what that is…