Archive for the 'Psychology' Category

Depressive Dependents and Solution Methodology

April 25, 2007

Currently 6:37am, can’t sleep. Random thought occured while thinking about some of the people I’ve interacted with in the past as well as observations of myself.

What’s a Depressive Dependent? (At least in my terms! haha!)

A person that is easily depressed and if difficult to cheer up. Additionally, they exhibit a dependent traits for needing constant support and needing lots of love and care.

One thing to note about these types of people is both of these disorders seem to have their own symptoms and issues with interacting with society. But when combined together they are even more of an issue.

One philsophy I have in life is that anyone can accomplish anything. As long as you take the time to calm down, think it through, evaluation all possibilities, and ask lots of questions it should turn out alright. Nothing is impossible, there are no limits to our abilities.

So…

One of life’s most brutal factors: stress.

Many people in the world over-stress a situtation, especially me! It’s hard to refain from stressing, it’s a psychological and chemical balance which makes us who we are and how we think, but to a degree it is controllable.

Depressive individuals do not handle stress very well. They will shun and hide at the first signs of stress, it is then sometimes much easier to “run” from the situtation than it is to confront it. Always thinking there is no other way, no other possibility! What can I do?

Dependent individuals are interesting. They are individuals that can find and muster the inner power they posses to accomplish something, but with one caviat, they must be encouraged. It is very easy for a dependent to start spiraling as easy as it is for a depressive. One they are not supported, they can not find the care and affection they require, they fall into a downwards spiral.

When an individual of the above two traits collide it becomes an interesting speciman.

When confronted with a task that is difficult the few things that will run through their minds are something along the lines of:

“I don’t know what to do!”
“I can’t do anything.”
“I’m so lost.”
“What can I do?”
“I hate this”
“Omg”
“What should I do?”
“What’s going on?”

When translated into an action process it might seem like the following:

I don’t understand!
I don’t want to do anything!
I don’t understand!
I am powerless!
The world hates me!
Why me?
Where can I runaway to?
I don’t understand!

Now taking a step back… we can begin the solution process.

Calm down, goto the restroom, wash your face, mentally prepare yourself…. “I am going to attack this issue!”

With every action or sub-problem there should always be a step taken to evaluate it or solve it. These are the only two major decisions that need to be made at any given time. Either “Need more information”, “I know what to do next!”

Heavy note here, it’s never going to be a straight solution. Things are not that easy, if it was… it would not be stressful. Your on the right track and progressing…

I don’t understand! (Need evaluation) “What do I not understand?”
I don’t want to do anything! (Need resolution) “But I have to!”
I don’t understand! (Need evaluation) “Need more information!”
I am powerless! (Need evaluation) “Am I really powerless?”
The world hates me! (Need evaluation) “Does it really hate me?”
Why me? (Need evaluation) “Yes. Why you?” Take it as a question, not a statement!
Where can I runaway to? (Need evaluation) “Why do I need to runaway?”
I don’t understand! (Need evaluation) “What do I need to understand?”

Now iterate! Let’s take something like “difficult task, strict supervisors, don’t want to disappoint” a very common scenario. The questions are always what is iterated on, all statements are final.

  • “What do I not understand?”
    • The assigned task
    • “How can I do to better understand the task?”
  • “But I have to!” – (statement)
    • Just like it started, this was simply a statement, there’s really no flexibility on this, but one can still find an ounce of knowledge within it.
    • “Do I really have to do this task?”
    • “Why do I have to do this task?”
  • “Need more information!”
    •  “How can I get more information?”
  • “Am I really powerless?”
    • “Is there something I can do other than give-up? anything at all?”
  • “Does the world really hate me?”
    • I’m just paranoid looking for an excuse.
    • “How can I make the world like me better?”
  • “Why me? It’s unfair!”
    • There are people who are worst off than you, it’s not that unfair.
    • Not easy, yes. Fair? Maybe not. But really ask yourself “why me?”
    • I have been tasked by my supervisor it’s my Job.
    • Any one can quit a job and always look for another one.
  • “Why do I need to runaway?”
    • Because it is more comfortable to runaway than to confront
    • “Should I run away? Is it impossible?”
  • “What do I need to understand?”
    • Repeated question.   

Next iteration:

  • “How can I do to better understand the task?”
    • It was assigned to you. There must be some expectation or qualification critira to get it right or perfect.
    • “How do I find out the expections?”
    • “What is is that I need to do?
  • “Do I really have to do this task?”
    • “Am I the best suited person to accomplish this?”
    • “Could I suggest it to the servisor to ask someone else to do it?”
  • “Why do I have to do this task?”
    • It’s your job, your the choosen candidate.
  • “How can I get more information?”
    • “What other knowledge sources are there?”
  • “Is there something I can do other than give-up? anything at all?”
    • Find more information because a final decision.
  • “How can I make the world like me better?”
    • The world doesn’t hate.
    • If this task is finished, all these excessive feelings caused by it will be finished too.
  • “Should I run away? Is it impossible?”
    • This is alway a possibility.
    • But lets pretend the person wants to keep his job. For reasons like need of money or family support.

Next iteration:

  • “How do I find out the expections?”
    • Ask someone.
      • Who?
        • The person which expects something from you.
  • “What is is that I need to do?
    • Ask the person that wants you to do it what it is they want you to do.
    • “But I don’t want them to know I do not understand!?”
  • “Am I the best suited person to accomplish this?”
    • Possible way-out. Not done evaluating. Push to next iteration.
  • “Could I suggest it to the servisor to ask someone else to do it?”
    • Possible way-out. Not done evaluating. Push to next iteration.
  • “What other knowledge sources are there?”
    • Google?
    • Friends?
    • Family?
    • Parents? They are old, but knowledgable? =)
    • Your supervisor?

I believe the general point can be observed.

The method of problem solving is to create more problems! Just kidding, more over it’s just to ask more questions. Get more knowledge, build an evaluation, try again, and again. There is always bound to be a solution or way-out. Sometimes the way-out is to do nothing! It’s all about where you want to be in the end. =)

Now as the psychological twist.

Sometimes I write things down not to tell others but to really tell myself. It’s difficult remembering things when stress comes around. Specially if your also the nervious type! Writing it all down helps =)

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